"Yesterday..."

Yesterday was a really tough day. I did not sleep well the night before so I was tired and slightly on the emotional side to start.

The day started with Sally (the speech therapist) and I going down the the wards to see patients...our normal routine. Little did we know what God would have in store for us. I watched Sally work her charm with a very shy and stubborn 18 year old who had surgery a few weeks ago.

We then proceeded into one of the wards to meet with new patients who would be having surgery. (Sally likes to get an idea about how they speak before surgery.) We stopped quickly to see how one of the babies on the feeding programs was doing...rejoicing over the weight the baby has gained in the last few weeks. We then saw Akoko.

Akoko has a large tumor in her jaw that makes her face almost twice the size in length as it was intended to be. Akoko very bashfully looked up at Sally and me, not making eye contact because she has such a strong sense of shame. Sally explained to me what type of surgery Akoko was going to have. Then Dana, the ward discipler, approached us and informed us she was unable to have surgery.

Instead of leaving Akoko, we decided we would talk with her (through a translator) and just "love" her. Through the course of events, which I won't go into, we ended up having to tell Akoko she was unable to have her surgery. I have never left so helpless and hopeless in all my life. This precious woman just let the tears fall. How do you explain to someone who is looking forward to getting this burden removed that it's not going to happen. I just sat there with tears in my eyes, holding her hand. Sally, with tears in her eyes, had her hand on Akoko's shoulder. Dana, with tears in her eyes, through the translator (who was in tears also) was trying her best (and doing a magnificent job) at trying to explain to Akoko why surgery was not going to happen. The depth of pain we saw in Akoko's eyes was overwhelming. I wanted to get the test rerun...I wanted God right then and there to heal...I wanted God to do something for this broken hearted woman. I wanted to scream at the injustice. I wanted everything to be fixed. I wanted.... It's not about "I wanted"...it's about God. It's about God and HIS plan for Akoko...it's about God...and God alone.

What do you do? What do you say? We sat there with her...holding her...letting her cry. Crying with her. We prayed...we prayed that God would intervene in her life somehow...someway...

As I write this my heart is still heavy for Akoko and there are tears in my eyes...where is she? How is she? Will she be able to come to Togo for surgery?...Will she have the money to travel to Togo?... Will she live? These questions are all in God's hands.

There are times when we cannot offer healing to the poor. And dare I say sometimes we cannot even offer hope. My prayer is that Akoko will make it to Togo for surgery...but if she does not then maybe we gave her a taste of God's love and compassion for her just by sharing ever so briefly in her pain. Just maybe...